photo of the week: pills
March 2nd, 2010
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photo of the week: dateless valentines
February 14th, 2010
*this is also posted at http://52in27.com/
HAPPY VALENTINES and HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!!!
Repost: “Confessions” and “Silence Me”
February 8th, 2010These are two poems that I wrote last year that spoke about my prayers and what I was going through last year.
Silence Me
If my words are nonsense, vanities and lies,
If my speech does not bring your truth
If my conversations do not give you glory,
Then let me not speak, utter a word or even open my mouth.
If my voice leave me but do not carry praises to you,
If my songs are empty and do not tell of your love
If the melodies from my lips do not contain worship to you,
Forbid me to sing and let no sound escape from me.
Silence me until my heart beats only praises to you.
Silence me until my spirit worships only you
Silence me until my mind is filled with your truth
Silence me until everything within me cannot contain Your majesty, glory and love
That I just have to sing, speak and shout!
(originally posted: July 2, 2009)
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Confessions
How many times have I said I do not know You,
When I chose to sin and turn the other way?
How many times have I stood and scoffed at You,
When I did not choose to obey?
How many more times will; I sing and cry,
And say how sorry I am for doing wrong?
Yet live my life as if You did not exist.
How many more times will I hide behind closed doors;
Afraid and ashamed to say that I am Yours?
As if you have not come and died and counquered the grave, conquered it all.
You have come and set me free.
You have given it all up for me
On that glorious day at Calvary
You suffered and died in my place
You have paid in full
to save a wretched and sinful man in need of Grace.
This I know, that you love me so,
And I pray in my life it will always show.
No more hiding, scoffing, denying,
No acting, doubting and self-preserving.
No more double life for me.
I have only this life and I want to live it, only for You.
(12 April/19 April 2009, Beijing)
photo of the week: Bread
February 1st, 2010
photo of the week: Boat at Stanley
January 15th, 2010
Went to Hong Kong last January 1-4, 2010. Was just amazed how HK is so different from how I knew it before. Awesome place to visit!
On Thanksgiving
November 28th, 2009“No human counsel hath devised nor hath any mortal hand worked out these great things. They are the gracious gifts of the Most High God, who, while dealing with us in anger for our sins, hath nevertheless remembered mercy.” -excerpt from Abraham Lincoln’s Proclamation of Thanksgiving (1863)
I am not American. But for the last 3 years, I have been celebrating Thanksgiving with friends here in Beijing. I used to think that it is a senseless holiday that overshadows Christmas and is just an excuse to eat turkey, stuffing, yams and pumpkin pies. But after having celebrated it with friends, hearing the History of Thanksgiving each year and learning from my American friends what this holiday means to them, I realized that there is more to this holiday than just turkeys, football, black friday, and pumpkin.
It is about…well, giving thanks. In our busy world, we usually pummel through each day busy and at full speed that we do not have time to sit down, evaluate, and be thankful for anything, to anyone or just have that attitude of gratitude. We always think that we need and deserve this or that.
So, although this is 2 days late, in keeping with the holiday…here is my thanksgiving list:
I am thankful for:
my life, family, Nanay, Ate, friends, work, health, relationships, BICF, The Embassy, small group, colleagues, people who serve, taxi drivers, ayi, people in my neighborhood, food, coffee, warm cinamon rolls, ginger tea, instant noodles, hot rice, soy milk, Peter’s Texmex, Jenny’s shop, chuanr, gummy bears, clothes, water, air, sleep, soft pillows, paint, music, ipod, snow, sun, moon, stars, clouds,mountains, trees, street lights, technology, science, microwave ovens, bicycles, television, computers, yikatong, camera, airplaines, ziplock bags, cling wrap, notebooks, ballpens, random acquaintances, jokes, inspirational stuff … this list goes on…bible, salvation, sanctification, justification, grace, mercy, justice, hope, faith, love, joy, Jesus Christ.
Sunrise (a semi-sequel to Sunset)
November 27th, 2009I am fidgeting. Staying sill in this narrow seat is almost impossible. The whole time, I’ve been moving, trying to get the best position that gives comfort and stability. I cannot stop doing it. I am nervous. My heart is racing like an Energizer bunny on steroids. It’s that kind of feeling that you get right before going on stage in front of thousands of people. In my case, it’s only being in front of 1 person. Maybe, it’s because I haven’t seen her for 7 years. A lot has changed since then…or at least that’s what I think. I’m older. She’s older. That’s obvious, right? Will she smile when she sees me? I hope so. I remember her smile like it was just a few minutes ago that I last saw it. It was the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen. Seeing it was like seeing the sun rise for the first time in your life. It was like an antidote to sadness and all the terrible things the world can throw at you. It was perfect.
“Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. We are now starting our final approach to Ninoy Aquino International Airport. We’ll be landing in approximately 20 minutes. Please return to your seats and fasten your seatbelts. It was a pleasure having you on our flight and we hope to see you soon in the future. Have a good day.”
Landing. This always gets me tense. We have flown all the way and what if something goes wrong at this time? I heard that 51 percent of airplane accidents happen during landing. This is not helping me calm my nerves. The book I am holding right now still looks brand new and untouched which is not surprising as I have not been able to read it this whole time. The 7 cups of coffee is making me very jittery right now. What could I tell her? What should I say? What will she say? Should I …. No! That will not help.
“Sir, could you please return your seatback to its full upright position….Sir?…Sir?”
“Sir?”
Oh…the flight attendant was talking to me.
“Uh…OK! Sorry about that”
This awkward smile should show my sincere apologies to this kind lady. What is this that is coming over me? I’ve never been this crazy. I have to think. I still remember the last day we saw each other. We were sitting at the slopes of the Sunken garden. It was a December afternoon…the sun was setting, the air was cool and she…she was.. beautiful. Her long black hair, her sparkling eyes, her beautiful lips, everything about her was just lovely. There was no doubt in my mind that she is girl I am going to spend the rest of my life with. The one I will marry…but…But all of that changed.
Unknown to him, she was hurting inside. She didn’t know how to break the news. It would devastate him.
We parted ways that day and never saw each other again. I thought everything was good between the two of us. That night, I was even planning for our next date… dinner at the Chocolate Kiss after watching the annual lantern parade. But I never saw her again after that day. She did not call. I didn’t know what happened…if it was something I did or said. I did not get to talk to her… not until after a few months. The next morning after that day did bring light to my questions. There on the floor, just outside my bedroom door was a letter. I still remember picking it up, reading my name on the envelope, walking to the kitchen, opening the letter and reading it while the rays of the sun flooded the room with morning light.
The sun rose that day as my heart sunk…
The Philippines mourns for its children…God is sovereign
November 27th, 2009I pray for peace.
I pray for comfort for the families.
I pray for justice.
I pray for the people to be awakened.
I pray for healing.
I pray for love to abound.
I thank God…because I know He is still sovereign and in control. He is faithful.
Let us continue to pray….
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This was just too much to bear and to keep. This is the link to the statement from GMA Network:
photo of the week: bamboo crickets
November 26th, 2009
I saw this kid selling bamboo crickets in Ayuthaya near a temple. I do not know why I took the picture in the first place. But as I reviewing the photos of that day, I just saw how this kid was really young and selling anything he can to be able to eat. His face says it all: the hardship of life that he is going through. I realized that I have a cushy and comfortable life here in the Jing. Sometimes, it is too comfortable that I forget that there is another world out there. It’s always good to have a reminder that urges us to think, evaluate our lives and find a way to help. In this case, I wish I had done something more for this kid than just take his picture. 
Sunset
November 26th, 2009
The setting sun gave the December sky an orange and purple shade. The birds flew in military-like formation with the darkening clouds above them. He sat at their favorite spot – under the lone coconut tree in the vast garden of grass. Children were playing and laughing near him. Across, young men played soccer. Couples lined the sides while the car and jeepneys pass around the garden. He squeezed himself, rubbing his palms to stay warm. Then he smiled as a tear fell down his cheek.
Three days ago he was here with her.
“I just love sitting here, passing time, watching the sunset with you Gracie” he said. “Remember the first time we were here? We were still freshmen then, innocent, curios and lost.” She was silent.
“I was the vain Cebuano who was having a hard time living alone. While you…you were the classy private school graduate who worried so much about her grades.” He sighed, stopped for a few seconds, reminiscing. He let out a few laughs. “You were snobby then, and that’s what attracted me to you. I just love it when you throw your hair and raise your chin and give that look to people who annoy you.” She smiled weakly without breaking her gaze at the balut vendor who was resting by the slopes.
“Oh how we were then” he continued. “And how we changed. We changed…”
Slowly the sun began its descent behind the trees lining the garden. Crickets chatter about wile the leaves sway at the wind’s steady whisper.
“This is where you answered my courting. Where you gave your yes. Do you remember Gracie? Of course you do. We were on our second year. December wasn’t it?” he asked.
“9th” she spilled out.
“Yes yes, I was filled with joy that I ran the whole length of this place twice. It was the happiest day of my life.”
“I love you Gracie” he exhaled. He looked at her and marveled at the beauty beside him. Her hair was long and jet black. She was slender yet not so thin. Her eyes glistened like diamonds and her lips as rubies. She held her chin on her knees. She was quiet.
Only silence separated them from each other now. He spoke again.
“Is there anything wrong? You seem to be very quiet. Are you feeling bad?”
She silently swayed her head…no.
He let her be. He lied down on the grass and closed his eyes. He thought of their happy times. He imagined the future, carefully planning out his moves, a nice house in a secure village. Two cars, an excellent job, then coming home to Gracie each night after a long day. She was his first. Hopefully his last.
Unknown to him, she was hurting inside. She didn’t know how to break the news. It would devastate him.
end?
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this is one of the entries that I always repost every time I have a blog….Originally written in 2003.
i thought of writing a sequel to this…although I have not finished it and I am having second thoughts if I really want to complete a part II.
